Sunday, September 25, 2011

Losing Interest

       I don't really know if this is going to be another of my common victims of "ningas-cogon".  It's a Filipino expression that means starting up something very enthusiastically then gives it up half-way quickly.

       I mean, I love my work.  I love photography.  But somehow my drive is lost.  I think it all started when I sold my laptop.  It's like I'm missing a part of my photography system.  Even though that laptop only lasted a short time with me.  But it feels like I can not function well without it.  And then comes the night scenes.  I've gone to places repeatedly and I think took many pictures of them repeatedly, that it's starting to get old.  I got an extension tube that got me introduced to macro-photography but in my heart, I really am not so interested with it.  Now, I just got a new Samyang 85mm 1.4 lens.  For some reason, I'm not so excited on using it.  Even when it just arrived.  There's nothing wrong with it.  I think it's me.

       I thought about taking a break and focus more on some other abandoned stuff.  My keyboard hasn't been touched for more than a year.  My playstation is still there running without me playing.  In fact, I got the HDMI unplugged for my laptop, and since then, I haven't reconnected it to my tv.  A saxophone that I haven't even touched since purchase.  And then my computers.  Despite that I really intended to upgrade and then perhaps send one of them to a friend of mine, I haven't even started on that.  Like I said, I have no more drive.  I think all I need is inspiration again.  It's getting cold and I'm too lazy to weather out the cold nights, riding my new bike (I got three now) to discover my neighborhood.  So much for taking night shots.  There's another field that I'm interested in.  Street-photography.  But it's not as easy as it looks.  On my past blog, I talked about how I felt about my performance in Gangwon-do.  Where I went as far as that place just to take pictures.  And although my scenes were limited, I was able to capture some good shots.  But still, it's not really that easy.  Comparing to a lot of street shots that I've seen, I treat mine as nothing but snap-shots... maybe good-looking snap-shots.

       So yeah, I really was contemplating on taking a break from photography.  But before any of that happens, I checked out on some Korean tourism site, in hopes I find a place to do a last hurrah.  My god!  There's a plethora of places and events to go, I was overwhelmed.  But I was determined to witness them and take some pictures.  This is another reason why I'm keen to use my new lens.  For some reason, I just am not so comfortable with my 50mm's range.  And then comes my itinerary.  There were 2 cities holding different festivals.  One was in Seoul with their drums festival.  The other was some street-art festival.  Both have so many activities happening within the week.  I got everything listed on google calendar.  Thursday night, I forced myself t get out and take pictures nearby.  The thing is, I feel like I've seen everything in Anseong-Si, that everything is boring now.  And there are no suitable scenes to shoot with my new lens.  I expected too much.  I ended up coming home at 3 am and sleeping at 5 am.  Work at 8 am.  Come Friday 3pm and I discovered that all my listed events on google calendar was erased.  I tried searching for it (with my very short breaks from work), and it's one of the common yet unresolved issues.  That really let me down.  I didn't have a back-up.  It's stressing me out.  In my erased schedule was a carefully laid-out pattern so I can catch up on every event that I was interested with.  Both Seoul and Gwacheon.  Two cities that are a bit far apart.  All those schedules gone.  On top of that, I was tired from work.  In the end, I fainted after work and woke up at 2 am... as usual.

       I still have a chance today.  It's 6 am now.  And I can check out the site for activity schedules in Gwacheon.  The drum festival in Seoul was over.  It's a shame 'cause I was ready to abandon Gwacheon's activities if in case running back and forth is too much.  I was more interested with their drums.  But that's gone now.  I got this one last Sunday to witness another gathering in a nearby city.  The rest are a bit far.

       So what to do?  As for now, I'm still here just laying in bed.  Trying to catch as much sleep as I can.  Fighting over my insomnia (another thing that's taking over my life for years).  I don't really know.  But I'll try to get up and just go.  Take pictures or not, I just have to go.

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